I think I was sexually abused …… what can I do to stop the trauma?

mark

我想，我可能是被性侵犯了。什么是性侵犯？我怎样才能停止这种心理创伤？

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来信：

I'm 15 now, but when I was 12 1/2, I met a guy. He was 13. I didn't think about anything between us because, at that age, I was still playing football and dumb games with guys.
我今年15岁，但当我12岁多的时候，我遇上了一个13岁的男孩。因为当时是在足球运动时结识朋友的，所以我觉得我们之间并没有什么特别的。

The day after I met him, my friends left us alone, and he started kissing me. I was confused and scared and didn't know what to say. He took me into another room (with a door) and did things to me that made me feel uncomfortable. He went up my shirt and down my pants. I didn't even know what all of this was until not too long ago.
第二天，我的朋友们让我们俩有机会独处，他开始亲吻我。我一下子懵了，不知道该说什么好了。他带我去另一间屋子，关上门，对我做了些使我很不舒服的事情。他脱了我的上衣和内裤。我甚至许久都不知道究竟发生了什么。

My friend walked in, and he left. That's the last I ever saw of him. I was so confused and still am. I have nightmares a lot. Is this sexual abuse?
我的朋友回来后，他就走了。那是我见到他的最后一次。从那时到现在，我一直都搞不清究竟是怎么回事。我做了好多的噩梦。这是不是性侵犯？

I have a great fear of dating. I can't handle a guy liking me. I'm so scared it will happen again.—Tanya
我现在对约会很恐惧，我不能容忍有男孩喜欢我，我也不想在发生同样的事了。——覃娅


You ask me, Tanya, If you were sexually abused. The answers is yes. That guy sexually abused you. There are no ifs, ands, or buts about it.
覃娅，你问我这件事是否性侵犯。答案是“是的”。这个男孩对你实施了性侵犯。这里不存在“如果……还有……但是……”之类的问题。

And sexual abuse is one of the most traumatic emotional experiences a person can go through. But you are doing the right thing, Tanya. You are being honest and direct about what happened to you. I know it's hard for you to talk about it, but you have to do it.
性侵犯是众多心理创伤经历中最常见的一种了。但你是在做一件正确的事，覃娅。你很勇敢，也很直接地道出了你遇到的这件事。我知道这对你来说是很难说出口的，但你却必须这么做。

I am sorry, terribly sorry, that this happened to you. And I am not at all surprised that you are afraid and confused. That is completely normal.
很遗憾，我真的很遗憾，这件事竟然发生在你身上。我一点都不惊讶于你的恐惧和头脑混乱，这些都是正常的。

You must understand, Tanya, that you are a victim. You did nothing to cause or deserve what happened to you at the hands of that jerk. You are not horrible. You are not bad.
你必须知道，覃娅，你是个受害者。在那双手向你袭来时，你什么都没有做，所以你并不讨厌，也不是个坏女孩。

If that was the case, Jesus, would have been the worst person who ever lived. Remember how he was so horribly and cruelly abused on the cross? He was laughed at, spit on, physically humiliated, and finally put to death. We can't know for certain, but it's very possible Jesus hung naked on the cross as He died. And he was completely innocent. So please don't forget, Tanya, that Jesus understands how you feel. He really does. He, too, was a victim.
如果是那么一回事，那主耶稣就成了有史以来最坏的人。要记得他在面对被钉十字架的苦痛时，心里有多恐惧和痛苦啊。他被人讥笑、被唾弃、被羞辱，最后被钉死。我们不能肯定，但很可能主耶稣在十字架上死的时候是被吊死的。他是全然圣洁、没有污秽的。所以覃娅，请别忘了，主耶稣理解你的感受。他也真是这么做的，因为他也曾是受害者。

As I said earlier, Tanya, you are doing the right thing by writing to me about what happened to you. You must talk about it. But you need to talk to someone other than me. You need to find a Christian counselor to talk with on a regular basis. With their help and God's help, you can quit being a victim and become an overcomer. You can win, you can be victorious over this problem, just like Paul talks about in Romans 8:37,38:
正如我较早时说的，覃娅，你用信件方式说出自己的遭遇，是正确的。你必须倾诉。但是你也需要和别人交谈。你需要找能应用圣经依据来进行辅导的基督徒辅导者，在他们和上帝的帮助下，你的心态能从一个受害者，成为得胜者。你能得胜，你能胜过这个问题，正如使徒保罗在罗马书八章三十七至三十九节说的：

But despite all this, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ who loved us enough to die for us. For I am convinced that nothing can separate us from His love (TLB).
“尽管如此，然而靠着爱我们、为我们死的基督，在这一切的事上，已经完胜了。因为我深信，没有一件事物能叫我们与他的爱隔绝。”（TLB译本）

I can't promise it will be easy, though, I must be honest and tell you it's a long road back from being abused. But as you deal with your emotions and your questions, there will come a time when those strong emotions will no longer be there. Of course, you will still see pictures in your mind of what that guy did to you, but those pictures will not carry the awful emotions you feel today.
虽然我不能保证这是件易事，我必须诚实地告诉你，从性侵犯中走出来是一条很长的路。但是正如你应对自己的情绪和难处一样，终有一天，那些强烈的情绪会不再出现。当然，你脑中也仍会出现当时的情景，可是这些情景已经不再像今天这样那么强烈地影响你的情绪了。

And there also will come a time when you realize that not all guys, by any means, are dangerous. It's not the gender. That guy did what he did to you because he's a sick sinner who needs help, not because he's a guy.
你将来也会知道，不是每个男孩子都会这么做的，这根本就和“性”无关。那个男孩之所以这么做，是因为他只是个需要帮助的罪人，而不是因为他是个男孩子。

I promise you, Tanya, you can and will overcome with God's help. Have the courage to face your emotions with a Christian counselor.
我保证，覃娅，你能在上帝的帮助下胜过这个负面的情绪。请和你的基督徒辅导者直面你的情绪吧。

I'll pray for you. God will bless you. And someday you will say, like Micah said in Micah 7:8,
我会为你祷告，上帝也会祝福你。有一天你会和弥迦先知一样说：

…for though I fall, I will rise again! When I sit in the darkness, the Lord will be my light (TLB).
“……因为我虽跌倒，却要起来！当我坐在黑暗里时，主却要作我的光。”（弥迦书7：8，TLB译本）